A TMI Thursday Two-fer

I just got off a 12 hour shift and have to squeeze in 6 hours of sleep before my next 12, so please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors. I hope the TMI'ish-ness makes up for it. For more (better-written) TMI Thursday treats, click the pic below.


Go on. You know you want to.





Moving on.

I dated this blithering simp of a boy-man a few years ago. He was fine as hell, but the sex was mediocre at best, and he was the whiniest, blitheringest, most pussified man I've ever known (and I've known and known of a few).

Come to think of it, I may have been able to get into the sex if it weren't for a particular...hmmm..."appendage" is not the right word...neither is "adornment", so I will say "physical quirk" that he possessed.

He had a third nipple.

I have refrained from posting a pic (not of the actual one, of course) because a) it is early, and b) I just wolfed down a breakfast taco that would surely reappear if I were take the visualization of it past my imagination. I don't want to gross y'all out, either.

The third nipple itself wouldn't have been so bad, but it was very...dark in color, and he was very fair-skinned, so it stood out considerably, even against the two nipples that God intended all of us to have. Yeah.

So you could imagine how sexy times were.

Even when he hit it doggy style, I could still see the third nipple.

It bothered me.

And furthermore, HE bothered me.

After a particularly stupid discussion about him not wanting to eat meat that was on the bone, I came to the realization that I was sick of him and his bullshit. Another point of contention between us was that even though he loved to receive head, he hated to give it. He said he didn't like the taste of pussy. Oh, yes, this was a prissy bitch. So, of course I had to come up with a creative way of letting him know just how I felt about his childishness before I sent him on his way. What did I do? you ask?

Early one morning before he got up to get ready for work, I crept out of bed, went into the bathroom, closed the door, and got to pleasuring myself...

...with the business end of his electronic toothbrush.Ya know, one of those little fancy
vibrate-y numbers.It wasn't one of the cheap ones, either.

I still, to this day, do not think he realized what I had done. I like to think that he did.